Atonement
by zulka
Summary: [Kai/Suzaku Centric Reposted] Suzaku has been with Kai for a long time, in terms of human years. Suzaku will continue to be long after Kai has gone. Oneshot


Notes: Because Suzaku is a sacred spirit and as a spirit I am giving it no gender, then I am using 'them/they' to refer to Suzaku, so don't get confused when you see it. It was done on purpose. I am also using the original Japanese names meaning that the bit beasts have their own name and so do their Blades. The bit-beast in the original are named as follow:

Suzaku **(Dranzer)**  
Genbu **(Draciel)  
** Seiryuu **(Dragoon)**  
Byakko **(Driger)**  
Kuro Suzaku **(Black Dranzer)**

 **Atonement**  
by: zulka  
Kai/Suzaku Centric

* * *

Suzaku has been with Kai for a long time, in terms of human years. Suzaku will continue _to be_ long after Kai has gone. Suzaku does not think about this though. Suzaku is old, has seen civilizations rise and fall. Suzaku has seen many things, has encountered many humans and seen greed, loyalty, kindness, courage, envy. But it is will power, self-sacrifice, and the indomitability of the human spirit that always surprises Suzaku.

Suzaku is a sacred spirit; Suzaku was guardian of the South and presided over summer. Suzaku oversaw Fire, for Suzaku was its keeper and still is on some level. All other things fell away as the world changed, as beliefs faded away. It happened with all of them actually, with Genbu, Byakko and Seiryuu.

Suzaku has now allowed for them to be contained, but not. Though they rest inside a bit-chip, they are more than a picture on plastic. The others resided in different places before transferring to bit-chips. But bit-chips are just that, bit-chips, and _they_ are a sacred spirit. Though spirits may inhabit things, they don't need those things to survive, because as spirits they simply _are._

Suzaku has no gender, Suzaku just _is._

Kai however, refers to Suzaku as 'he'. Suzaku does not mind, it is irrelevant what gender is assigned. They respond to Kai, regardless. Suzaku has been a part of Kai's life since the start. Suzaku has seen Kai fall and get up again. They have seen Kai suffer. They have seen Kai look for affection in a power hungry old man, who called himself Kai's grandfather. Suzaku saw Kai grow into an anti social, cold boy, who yearned for power and perfection. They have seen Kai grow even more since then.

But Kai has always been so resilient and self-reliant. No one was there for Kai, except Suzaku. No one knows Kai, the way Suzaku does. Though Suzaku puzzles sometimes as to their master's actions, because they are a spirit and Kai is human. But Suzaku trusts Kai, and his actions.

Suzaku loves Kai.

There has only been one instance in which Suzaku has felt betrayed by Kai. That betrayal had a name. _Kuro Suzaku_.

Suzaku, as far as they knew, had never let Kai down. But Suzaku is only as strong as Kai, and as strong as Kai's beliefs.

Kai fluctuates between arrogance and insecurity. Suzaku knows that Kai's biggest enemy is himself. Suzaku can't do anything about that.

But Suzaku cannot forget Kuro Suzaku. That imitation that mocked everything Suzaku was.

Black Dranzer was powerful and Dranzer was cast away because Suzaku was weak. They remember Kinomiya Takao and his disillusionment, as he held Dranzer in his hand, and told the others that Kai was lost.

Suzaku had never felt more wronged than in that moment. They felt betrayed and outraged. Suzaku knew that the boys, his master's ex-teammates, felt the same way.

All of them had been cast aside on a quest for power. They had all been deemed unworthy.

But Suzaku is just as powerful and as destructive as the element they guard over. So when Kinomiya Takao launched Dranzer on that ice, Suzaku let their outrage transfer over to the blade.

Suzaku knew humans were fickle. But they had expected more from Kai. Kai, who was their master, whom they protected and loved and Suzaku had never felt more insulted then when Kai looked shocked at Dranzer's power. For all that Suzaku had done, they thought Kai would understand their strength.

Suzaku knew that Kai was repentant, and full of shame. It came off him in waves, and enveloped them and made them sad.

Suzaku knows that Kai would have rather died, out of shame, out of guilt, and self-pity. And because he felt he was undeserving of the boys' forgiveness and the second chance they offered him. Kai has a hard time with forgiveness. Suzaku was giving Kai another chance as well. Suzaku would always give Kai everything they could.

But when Suzaku was ripped violently from the bit-chip, they couldn't help but feel a slight satisfaction at their master's distress and pain. It gave them the closure they needed, for having been abandoned. Suzaku thought that perhaps it was unnecessary; it is humans after all who are petty. But spirits are often willful themselves.

They are aware that Kai has made bad choices and has suffered the consequences. But Kai follows his path towards whatever goal, even if that path leads him to places others wouldn't dare cross. Suzaku thinks that this is a strength but it can also be a fault, and it has been many times.

Kai thinks in absolutes. You are either right or wrong. You are either good or bad. But Suzaku knows there are many shades of grey. Kai misses those shades sometimes and sometimes he can see them clear as day.

Suzaku thinks that Kai's pride will be the end of him. But regardless of all his faults, Suzaku knows that Kai is noble. That makes all the difference.

Suzaku knows that what plagues Kai are the failures, and losses, and he can fall so deep that not even Suzaku can reach him. There are times when Suzaku does not understand why Kai _can't_ let go of those things. Suzaku has lived a long life; they know those things don't matter. But Suzaku knows that Kai will always get up, when push comes to shove, Kai will get up.

Suzaku loves Kai's spirit. It is so fragile and yet indomitable.

Kai deals in self-deception. Suzaku wishes he would stop; they do not want Kai to wake up years later and realize he missed so many things. This Suzaku knows very _very_ well.

There are times when Suzaku wonders why Kai can be so insecure, and then they remember his childhood. They remember Soichiro and his need for Kai to prove himself, to be the best in order to even be acknowledged. Kai still has that mentality. But they know he is slowly changing and growing.

Suzaku knows that Kai can't see his own beauty. But Suzaku knows Kai's beauty and therefore loves him even more.

Kai is noble, Suzaku wishes people would see.

Suzaku knows that Kai will always shine, even as attack after attack hits them and Kai. Suzaku knows that this is Kai's moment. He will never shine more brightly than here, in this Beybattle. Kai asks them for more, and Suzaku gives everything. Suzaku is proud to be part of this moment.

Suzaku's Kai has grown and losses and failures are not just losses and failures anymore. Now they are experiences, things to learn from in order to keep moving _forward._

Suzaku is not sure if they and Kai will have aforward. Suzaku has not fought a battle with another spirit this hard, in a very long time. But Suzaku will not give up. Kai's will fills them and gives them the valor to continue. They will _not_ fail.

But Suzaku is worried about Kai, because Kai is human.

Kai is risking everything, even his life. It makes Suzaku want to cry. Part of them wants Kai to stop but the other part knows this is necessarily. Suzaku knows that Kai will always take the hardest beating, so that his friends won't have to.

But this battle is more than just that. This battle is more than just winning. This battle is about _inspiration_.

Suzaku, however, knows there is more to it than _just_ inspiration. Suzaku doesn't know if Kai realizes it, or if the others see it. But he sees it and he knows the other sacred beasts do too.

Suzaku is beat up and tired. They know Kai is too and they also know that it takes a lot of strength that Kaidoes _not_ have, to walk down those stairs, ever so prideful and dignified. But Suzaku knows that it has more to do with _not_ worrying Kinomiya and the others.

When he stumbles, Suzaku despairs. But Kinomiya is there and Suzaku is _thankful_.

But Kai is fine, this time Suzaku will accept the deceit. Their remaining strength will wrap around Kai, like a cloak, to help him walk into the hallway.

The hallway is dark and cold, and it spins and Suzaku cannot prevent Kai from falling.

This time Suzaku does cry.

Suzaku knew that Kai would fight till the bitter end, and he did.

Suzaku has lived a long life. They know they will continue _to be_ long after Kai has gone. But Suzaku doesn't think about this. They don't like to. Suzaku knows about living, they have spent most of their life just _being_. Suzaku has let many things pass them by as they simply _existed_.

In the long run, Suzaku knows that the time they have known Kai will amount to a speck, when placed against the years and years Suzaku has lived and _will_ live. This is why Suzaku does not think about _after_ Kai. It is too sad.

That's why Suzaku lives in the moment when it comes to Kai. If Suzaku thinks about the future, they think about it in terms of Kai's human years. Not theirs, because their year could span a century. Therefore, Suzaku holds on to all the moments and days and hours that they can. Suzaku doesn't want to miss anything.

It is Suzaku's wish to be with Kai until the end. But the end is not today. Suzaku will not allow it. Suzaku is after all a sacred spirit, but most importantly, Suzaku is a Phoenix. Fire is destructive, but fire is also giving. They will not allow Kai to burn out.

In the end, Suzaku knows that Kai will not find death in this hallway. What Kai finds, is redemption.

* * *

Author's note:  
This took a while, but I am satisfied with it. I hope you are too and found it a good read. Please Review, they're greatly appreciated.

This story is based on the idea that Suzaku/Dranzer died after the battle with Brooklyn. Personally I don't think Suzaku did, because Suzaku is supposed to be a spirit and actually a god so yeah. Anyways hope you enjoyed. And Soichiro, is Kai's grandpa's name in the original Japanese.

p.s: Does anyone know what Kai says in the original japanese hallway episode? Its only one line and my Japanese is not that great so I can't understand everything. But I know it's not entirely what the dub says. Nuff said.


End file.
